For the past 3 years I have been on a spiritual path leading me away from any and all religion of which I was raised on. It's actually kind of a scary thing to turn your back on something you've been taught your whole life and embrace something your family deeply disapproves of. But the fact is, once you start questioning religion from an "honest to God" point of view, it's extremely hard to go back to religion. It's like an awakening and you don't want to go back to sleep. The problem I have with it is that it's very lonely on this end of it. Yes, I still believe in God with every molecule of my body, mind, and soul, but I do not believe in religion. I believe God exists in us, through us, and all around us. I also believe we are God. I think my religious family and friends would agree with this to some extent, but tell them "I am god", and they call you a blasphemer. They see only half the picture and trying to explain it to them seems to be useless because to them, the very topic is blasphemous.
My entire family and many of my friends are religious people and they are wonderful, sweet, loving people so there is nothing wrong with them following whatever religion they feel necessary. I have to admit that I do have a hard time with their constant attempts to "save me". Here is what I think is sweet, they love me and they want me to be happy eternally with them (in their perspective) and the only way is to believe that God is going to damn me to hell if i don't follow their religion so they want me to follow it. These things have been hard-coded in their head for decades and decades, three times a week, so it's hard to even bring it up without getting judged and ridiculed for it...it's easier sometimes to let them think you believe what they do, which doesn't feel good to me but it is what it is.
5 Years ago, i was the most devout Christian do-gooder, girl next door type you would ever meet so i know the Christian views. I remember all those questions people have as a religious-type that are always unanswered by the elders as "because we're christian and that's how we do it" or "that's just way it is" or "don't question it or there will be consequences by god" I also have lived in reality for the past 3 years and reality has answers that are not fairy tale, mythological, or out-dated made up speeches that have been passed down from generation to generation and changed along the way to fit into your situation perfectly and make you feel guilty for the rest of your life.
The reality: Humans are not here to live an unhappy life, do what makes you truly, "honest to god" happy and the only way to know exactly what makes you honest to God happy is to go to your soul (your inner God)to find that out, not your mind. For example, if you think it will make you happy to cheat on your wife or husband...go inside and ask yourself. Will this make me truly honest to god happy? Your mind and body may tell you yes, but your soul may tell you something different. Why? Maybe because it is not who you are to hurt your spouse, or live with the guilt, or hide something from him or her. However, your soul may tell you yes. Shocker coming from me, I know! Or most importantly, your soul doesn't seek worldly pleasures. Here's why your soul may say yes: Because it is "who you are" and your soul wants you to experience who you really are (God) and the only way to do this is to have have experiences to bring you closer to that realization. In some cases, cheating on your husband/wife may bring you closer to the realization of who you are more than any other experience and knowing exactly who you really are and experiencing it is the only pathway to peace and happiness (heaven).
Let me tell you a personal life experience of mine. I got married at 22 to my now ex-husband that told me he wanted to cheat on me 4 months after we got married with a girl he met from work. Gutsy he was! I was at the point in my life when i was a devout church-going christian that thought this is the worst thing you could ever do to someone (I still have an opinion about it but that doesn't matter here). He didn't do it, but he asked for a divorce instead. Which I refused to give to him until he did the act due to my religious reasons. Eventually he did, I gave him his divorce and he eventually married this girl and had a baby with her. I now truly believe they are happy and perfect for each other and I don't mean it in an offensive or sarcastic way either. Don't think for a second this was easily realized because I had nearly made myself crazy over it for years. It wasn't until after I left religion that I realized how much I admired him for doing what he did regardless of the religious judgemental attitudes and condemnations he got from me and just about everyone he and I knew. Yes, I admire him for cheating on me! Because he did whatever it took to make himself Honest to God happy and he went inward to do it. He didn't listen to anyone, just his inner truth to live the life he needed to experience. He knew what he had to do to expireience "who he really is" and now we are both happier and closer to the realization of "who we are" as individuals so I thank God that he followed his heart and soul. To me, the most admirable characteristic anyone can have is follwoing and living ones own truth.
Peace. :)
Tapping Into My HIgher Conscience
With all the changes I am facing and the increasingly high levels of stress at this point in my life, I have decided today that I need a spiritual rejuvenation. I need to get back to the "me" that is enlightened and ready to take on the world with a higher consciousness. I can tell and so can anyone who reads my blog lately that I have been headed down the spiral instead of moving up it...and I am not going down like that!
Today is Sunday, and what better day to get back to a spiritual wellness than a quiet peaceful Sunday afternoon in late September? This is todays purpose for me and I intend to take full advantage of this opportunity. :) Today I am focusing my attention inward and trying to get down to the root of the emotional state I am in. I will not listen to my mind rambling relentlessly, I will listen to my emotions and inner truth and get to the true reasons certain things are bothering me. I will do my best to dwell in the NOW without revisiting any Past events or actions and thoughts for the future.
"When your consciousness is directed outward, mind and world arise. When it is directed inward, it realizes its own Source and returns home into the Unmanifested" - Eckhart Tolle
Today is Sunday, and what better day to get back to a spiritual wellness than a quiet peaceful Sunday afternoon in late September? This is todays purpose for me and I intend to take full advantage of this opportunity. :) Today I am focusing my attention inward and trying to get down to the root of the emotional state I am in. I will not listen to my mind rambling relentlessly, I will listen to my emotions and inner truth and get to the true reasons certain things are bothering me. I will do my best to dwell in the NOW without revisiting any Past events or actions and thoughts for the future.
"When your consciousness is directed outward, mind and world arise. When it is directed inward, it realizes its own Source and returns home into the Unmanifested" - Eckhart Tolle
Life's an Adventure!
My life is an amazing adventure that never seems to surprise me. Even when life takes a turn that isn't so much fun it's still an adventure in itself. That's the way I see it, and I love adventure. You have to take life as a whole, not just the good times and avoid the hard times...that's life and we should embrace it all. I am trying to reach the spritual level of being fearless of life, it's tough and I still have a long way to go but here's the guidelines i've come up with so far.
-Never be afraid to die--Fear is derived upon the end result of death, and when you're not afraid of death you're not afraid of life. The trick is to understand that death is not the end of life.
-What you resist, persists. For instance, if you are fearful of loosing your job or family member and frantically resist it, you literally create and live it. Instead, embrace it and take the steps you need to take for when or if it does.
-Just breath--go inward constantly and meditate. When things less desired happen, reflect on them. Ask yourself, what is the absolute worst that could happen from this? Accept that possibility and move on!
-Do things you never would have done before, live life to the fullest and do anything and everything you want--You reallly have absolutely nothing to loose!
-There is no hell unless you create it. Sin and hell is just something the governements made up thousands of years ago to control the populace. It worked and is still working. There is nothing wrong or right about anything. It just is what it is!--Follow the golden rule "Treat others the way you would want to be treated".
Follow these basic guidelines and you will have the most liberating, rewarding, and adventurous life you can imagine! :)
-Never be afraid to die--Fear is derived upon the end result of death, and when you're not afraid of death you're not afraid of life. The trick is to understand that death is not the end of life.
-What you resist, persists. For instance, if you are fearful of loosing your job or family member and frantically resist it, you literally create and live it. Instead, embrace it and take the steps you need to take for when or if it does.
-Just breath--go inward constantly and meditate. When things less desired happen, reflect on them. Ask yourself, what is the absolute worst that could happen from this? Accept that possibility and move on!
-Do things you never would have done before, live life to the fullest and do anything and everything you want--You reallly have absolutely nothing to loose!
-There is no hell unless you create it. Sin and hell is just something the governements made up thousands of years ago to control the populace. It worked and is still working. There is nothing wrong or right about anything. It just is what it is!--Follow the golden rule "Treat others the way you would want to be treated".
Follow these basic guidelines and you will have the most liberating, rewarding, and adventurous life you can imagine! :)
Changing my Relocity
Good Morning little bloggie. I'm beside myself today and trying to reflect on all the craziness in my life lately. For starters I am still with Mr. February! Yeah, I'm shocked someone actually survived four months. It's rare for me to keep any guy around for three months so you know he has to be special if he's made it to four. :) It doesn't sound like a very long time though. It almost sounds ridiculous to say this but it feels like we've been together for a year or more...is that weird? It feels so complicated that it needs some kind of scientific name or something...lets call it Relocity: the rate at which a relationship progresses. :-)
It's definitely too soon to tell anything for sure and I'm doing my damnedest to keep my guard up so my heart doesn't get crushed to pieces for the Millionth time, but it's not as easy as it sounds. One thing I've learned throughout my dating days is that the relocity of a relationship is never the same from couple to couple. I've also learned that the faster your relocity, the more chance you have of getting hurt and feeling like a dumbass in the end. I agree with a lot of people when they say we are moving too fast in our relationship. On the outside looking in, they are so right. But at the same time, I feel like Mr. February and I are the only ones that can gage our relationship status.
If it can be harmful to have a relocity that moves too fast, does that mean there is also a point when your relocity is too slow and if so, how do you find the happy medium? I've been paying attention to my current wingwoman who has a record of very slow relocity in relationships. Atfer two years she is still recovering from being dumped out of a 10 year relationship from a guy that says he thought they were just "friends" and nothing more. She says she ignored the signs and wanted to avoid confrontation and that is the only reason it lasted so long without taking any steps forward or backward in their relationship. So now 10 years of this young womans life has been thrown away due to slow relocity. She claims she has always been taught to move very slow and it's the right way to do things according to her parents. As her wingman, I've noticed her relocity is stagnant because of these preconceived traditional secret guidelines the guy has to follow before a date but has no idea they even exist.
So is it worth it to take your time to do it the "right way" or is it just waisting time? I think our generation has a distorted sense of reality when it comes to just about everything. Everything we do is based on a preconceived notion of the "right way to do things" and the "wrong way to do things". I'm sad to say this but it's evident that we have lost our roots of intuition and forgotten how to just follow our hearts.
It's definitely too soon to tell anything for sure and I'm doing my damnedest to keep my guard up so my heart doesn't get crushed to pieces for the Millionth time, but it's not as easy as it sounds. One thing I've learned throughout my dating days is that the relocity of a relationship is never the same from couple to couple. I've also learned that the faster your relocity, the more chance you have of getting hurt and feeling like a dumbass in the end. I agree with a lot of people when they say we are moving too fast in our relationship. On the outside looking in, they are so right. But at the same time, I feel like Mr. February and I are the only ones that can gage our relationship status.
If it can be harmful to have a relocity that moves too fast, does that mean there is also a point when your relocity is too slow and if so, how do you find the happy medium? I've been paying attention to my current wingwoman who has a record of very slow relocity in relationships. Atfer two years she is still recovering from being dumped out of a 10 year relationship from a guy that says he thought they were just "friends" and nothing more. She says she ignored the signs and wanted to avoid confrontation and that is the only reason it lasted so long without taking any steps forward or backward in their relationship. So now 10 years of this young womans life has been thrown away due to slow relocity. She claims she has always been taught to move very slow and it's the right way to do things according to her parents. As her wingman, I've noticed her relocity is stagnant because of these preconceived traditional secret guidelines the guy has to follow before a date but has no idea they even exist.
So is it worth it to take your time to do it the "right way" or is it just waisting time? I think our generation has a distorted sense of reality when it comes to just about everything. Everything we do is based on a preconceived notion of the "right way to do things" and the "wrong way to do things". I'm sad to say this but it's evident that we have lost our roots of intuition and forgotten how to just follow our hearts.
Things have been really super busy lately which is why i haven't made very much time to blog but I miss it! So what's new with me? Well, I have two new twin nieces and 1 new nephew which makes me an Aunt of 3 boys and two girls! :) Isn't that so awesome?!? I can't help that my excitement is sometimes put aside when people make the comment "ohh tracie, you're falling behind, you better get busy having kids!" UGH, really? I mean, is that really nessesary? It's mostly family that does it but I can't help but to think they like making those comments and that it somehow makes them feel better to TRY to make me feel insecure. The weird thing about it is that i've come to the realization that it doesn't matter what they think or the silly comments they make because when all is said and done, i am completely happy with where I am at in life. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't but that doesn't make me any less happier than anyone else that does and I wish they would just realize that. So anyways, enough about that. Mr. February is coming over soon so I have to get ready and I'm running late! :) Have a great Sunday!
Update
Okay, so Mr. January went bye bye last week. I dumped Mr. January because he said he doesn't ever want kids someday. Even though I liked him, I have to be realistic and make decisions based on who I am and who I want Mr. Right to be, not Mr. Right Now. Why waste my time with someone I don't see myself being happy with in the long haul? Yep, so there's my excuse. I talked to an ex-boyfriend yesterday and he said he thinks i use men and dump them the moment they fall for me. I hate being characterized like that, but I know it looks that way on the outside. Oh well, who cares what people think right?
Nerd Alert
Man, it's great having a three day weekend! Last night I went to the Milo Butterfingers bar with a group and some friends for a Foosball tournament. It was pretty fun and I actually played all the way to the finals with my impressively smooth bar game skills. ;-) Yeah, yeah but my partner and I still lost to a pair of foreigners in the end so I can't brag too much.
Today I went to the Fort Worth Zoo and hung out all day with Mr. January. I'm not sure if I've just spent too much time with him or what but I'm already starting to take a few steps back from him. I noticed his cool factor wearing a little thin when he decided to wear a backpack with a water reservoir and actually used it at the zoo. Umm can we say NERD?? I just looked the other way like i didn't see it happen and hoped to god it didn't.
I'm going to give the poor guy a break--He's Mr. January so I atleast need to give him till the end of the month to regain his stature! Ohh well, I'm just not going to worry about it right now--what happens happens, eh?
Mr. January
Meet the current man of the month, Brian! Strangely enough, I don't have many complaints about this one. Is it actually possible that the men in Dallas are so much more datable than my small home town of Lufkin?? Hell yeah! He has a great job, would never even dream of wearing cowboy boots, and he's not obsessed with his mama! He is already scoring mega man points in my book.I picked this one up at the Roulette table during a hot streak at a New Years Eve bash. My charm never worked quicker than on Mr. January. How could he resist me anyway right? :-P j/k
The real question here is how long is he going to last? Most men don't make it past the 3 month mark...I usually loose interest completely and never answer the phone. But this guy seems a little more up to speed and ahead of the game--almost like he's born to be a heartbreaker which also makes him super sexy! Oh well, it's nothing I haven't seen before...Bring it on Mr. January!
My first Snow Angel
Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the snow is so delightful--nananananana let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! :-) Okay, I don't know all the right words to that song but who cares, it's Christmas! I had so much fun last night playing in the snow. I have never seen sand-like snow in my life! I truely felt like a kid again--it was cold as a witches titty but I didn't care. I lost feeling in my fingers and toes within the first 5 minutes I was out there. We are so deprived of good snow in Texas...the last time it snowed on Christmas in Dallas was the year 1947--way back in the caveman days.
Well anyways, the roads look pretty decent so I am truckin' it to Houston for my family Christmas...Hope everyone has a good one! Merry Christmas
Ho Ho Ho--Santa found his Mojo!
Wow, it's been forever since I've posted anything to this blog. I'm so sorry i abandoned you little bloggie!
Well, today is Christmas Eve and my first Winter in big city DFW. The weather is definitely not what I'm used to. For instance, there is a blizzard outside. I haven't seen snow since I was a wee little thing and I know for a fact I've never been in a blizzard. I'm not even sure how to drive in a blizzard, are you? I mean, the closest I have ever come to one was those little snickers ice cream thingies at Dairy Queen--mmm that sounds good right now. Anyway, I'm supposed to go to Houston for our family's Christmas tomorrow and I'm a little uneasy about the 4 hours drive in the snow needless to say. Mom says I need to leave today but I couldn't tell her I have a date tonight with my ex-boyfriend that I just dumped to have Christmas Fettuccine and watch a movie. She doesn't like him at all and I really don't wanna hear it from her about it. Why am I going on a date if i just dumped him, you ask? Because I made the plans one night when i was seriously bored and lonely and I just thought it sounded great at the time. I hate to use the poor guy for entertainment value but I'm a fun girl and I'm sure he'll have fun too, right? That is my justification for the whole thing anyway. :-) Merry Christmas everyone!
Well, today is Christmas Eve and my first Winter in big city DFW. The weather is definitely not what I'm used to. For instance, there is a blizzard outside. I haven't seen snow since I was a wee little thing and I know for a fact I've never been in a blizzard. I'm not even sure how to drive in a blizzard, are you? I mean, the closest I have ever come to one was those little snickers ice cream thingies at Dairy Queen--mmm that sounds good right now. Anyway, I'm supposed to go to Houston for our family's Christmas tomorrow and I'm a little uneasy about the 4 hours drive in the snow needless to say. Mom says I need to leave today but I couldn't tell her I have a date tonight with my ex-boyfriend that I just dumped to have Christmas Fettuccine and watch a movie. She doesn't like him at all and I really don't wanna hear it from her about it. Why am I going on a date if i just dumped him, you ask? Because I made the plans one night when i was seriously bored and lonely and I just thought it sounded great at the time. I hate to use the poor guy for entertainment value but I'm a fun girl and I'm sure he'll have fun too, right? That is my justification for the whole thing anyway. :-) Merry Christmas everyone!
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